2009 - The Road to Healing and Acceptance

It is very fitting that this post comes now.  Marilene is back from LA with renewed vigor and determination, and an enhanced sense of herself and her abilities.  It is a wonderful thing to look at yourself in the mirror that Spirit holds.  A normal reflective mirror shows only what is on the surface.  The view in Spirit's mirror moves past surface imperfections, and as we get older those imperfections mound up fast.  The light and beauty you see in Spirit's mirror is yours and has been yours since time began.

And so, we move into 2009 to begin preparation for out appointment in California.

Session:  January 20, 2009   Begin tape......................

I hate New Year’s Eve.  I have since the New Year’s Eve I had to suffer through after my Dad’s death.  I think Rudy is blocking someone from my past.  I can feel him doing it.  Actually, I got rather pissy with him.  I told him I wasn’t his fricking puppet.  As soon as I said that I very distinctly got, ‘that person will try to drag you back.’

“There is no going back.  You know that from this point on, you’re in the divine plane.  You have jumped out of that karmic wheel and learning through repetition of patterns.  You are spot on where everything is just moving around you, now.  You’re in that place of dharma.  And so what you need comes to you, instead of you having to think that you have to be out there doing this, doing that.  You stay put, and it is drawn to you.  Sometimes it is whatever it takes to get people into that spot.  And in your case, you came in with this very heavy, wonderful, yet tragic story.  And then to have died at such a young age with that kind of grief, then reborn.  It had to be repaired.  It is literally, as above – so below.  So it’s like Rudy was hung up in spirit waiting to finish the story, too.  To heal that old scenario, and bridge into now.  It’s the never ending story.  I’m telling you.”

Yesterday, something felt very odd.

“I felt something shifting, not necessarily with him in a way of him leaving.  It’s more of a perspective.  Everything is perspective.  And so, one of the things you’re going through right now is a shifting in that you must realize that that was then, this is now.  He’s reminding me of it, too.”

I was so agitated.  Yesterday was a very bizarre day.  I knew what he was doing.  I know where he wants me.  He........

“It activates and ties back in.  It’s good, but it brings back up anything about abandonment, rejection, he’s gone.  It’s not a big piece.  It’s just a little piece.”

It’s residual fear.  I lost him once.  I can’t take the chance of it happening again. (tissue time!)

“The fear factor.  It can be the tiniest pebble.  The more you move into the spiritual....it’s like the Princess and the Pea.  Because, and it’s not that God wants us to be perfect, but the fear is what we have to move.  So whatever level you’re on, it’s going to keep being the theme and keep being pushed until it is gone.  It’s interesting, too, because you look like a totally different person.  You have totally transformed and transmuted.  You have taken 15 years off yourself!”

Rudy took this overweight, frumpy late middle-aged woman who had buried herself, cut herself off from the world, and he has led me through this.  No, YOU and Rudy have led me through this, and now here I sit.  My husband made a joke the other day.  He said he is delighted to have his wife back, there is just one unfortunate thing......when his wife, Katherine, came back, “clothes Katherine” and “jewelry Katherine” came back as well.  (laughing)

“That is hilarious.  He is such a wonderful person.  He was placed in your path as a necessary part of your healing.”

What Rudy and I have done in this life runs parallel to the first time I met him at that party, when I felt so isolated and out of place.  He came to me....I looked into those warm brown eyes.....

“Rudy just said to me, ‘it was the innocence of youth.  It was refreshing.’  He’s saying all this to me.  ‘You were like a breath of fresh air, because of all the jaded, hardened, egotistical people, especially women.’

It’s such a testimonial to what it is.....multidimensional existence.  And it’s very hard, unless you experience it.  You can read stuff and intellectualize, but until you have a direct experience you don’t really understand what it is.  I have so many people who want so badly to have some kind of experience, and it doesn’t happen.  It just is what it is.  You are fully living in the now and fully living in the light.  You can never go back.  Once you get this, once you’re on the journey, the path gets more and more narrow.  There are many roads that lead to the mountain, but once you’re there, there is only one path up.  You can come from different directions, and you can come from different belief systems, worship this way or not that way, but at the end of the day, once you’ve been activated and the divine blueprint has been activated, and you have your true purpose, the multidimensionality of your being starts to connect in this life from other places in time.....there is no turning back.  It just keeps going.  It is absolutely the way it is.

There are people with Rudy right now.  I’m not sure who they are.  What I’m being shown is fascinating.  There seems to be an activation on the other side with creative people around what is going on with this.  There is a lot of excitement.  Oh, my God, what’s this?  They are saying, ‘you have no idea how many more things are going to happen with this.  It’s huge.’  They are really invigorated and they’re saying, ‘it’s about time.’  We’ve had a dark period with creative expression.....a golden era is ready to come back.”

(For a few moments we just sat and looked at one another.)

Oh, I found out where the funeral home was in New York.  It was Campbell’s at 66^th and Broadway.

“When I lived in New York, I lived at the Ansonia which is 73^rd and Broadway.  Right down the street.”

Remember the picture and how we talked about how horrible he looked.  Are you ready for this.  His manager struck a deal with them.  For the publicity they would receive for having his body, they would embalm him for free.  When I read that, I felt ill.

“Why was his manager wheeling and dealing with his body?”

Money,  of course.  I can’t think about it.  Just the idea that they were bartering with his body.

“It is the most hideous thing ever.”

It’s almost more than I can stand.

“He’s showing me something about his being broke.  He’s saying that what is upsetting to him is.....he’s saying, ‘I admit it, I was extravagant....I was outrageous and I was extravagant.  But much money was taken from me.”

Rudy’s brother thought so, too.

“There are so many things that make sense.....pause......It’s interesting, he’s giving me this whole dialog about something.  Okay, I think that Rudy and I have had some similar karmic patterns.  I did everything early.  I think that’s the way his work was.  I think that’s why I can feel his energy so strongly.  What’s going on is about healing some things in my life, too.  It is shifting some things.  I’m very aware of that.”...............End tape.

Rudy had a lot in store, not only for me, but for Marilene, as well.  

2008 ENDS

WOW...MOVING ALONG...yes we did finally make it to LA in May of 2009...I came out a couple of days early to spend time with my Son Merlin, on Mother's day, he then left for the Cannes Film Festival..he went again this last May...what an exciting time that was...Katherine and I stayed at the fabulous Sunset Towers Hotel...I had spotted this gorgeous 1929 Art Deco tower in November of 2008 when Merlin and I had come to Hollywood from La Jolla to look for a place for him to move.

He had been living in the San Diego area on the beach in La Jolla and on a whim decided to move to LA, I was visiting him and we drove in the middle of the night singing along with the Eagle's song Take it to the Limit....we ended up staying at The Standard Hotel..a very young, trendy hotel on Sunset that is decorated in retro 60's design. My room looked out and in the very near distance I saw this amazing Art Deco building, that upon further investigation turned out to be The Sunset Towers Hotel.

This had been home to Marilyn Monroe, John Wayne, Clark Gable, Greta Garbo..just to name a few...and is now a wonderful, small hotel where you see movie stars and well known people enjoying the privacy of this wonderful spot..on the last trip there I was two feet away from Rod Stewart and his wife and friends having dinner at the Tower Bar.

So when Katherine asked where we should stay I knew where right away..the suite that I had was 1008 the opposite of my home address of 8001 I knew right away the adventure had already been planned and we were just along for the ride..the energy of this place is amazing and the views awesome..also I could see into the hills where Merlin's house is...

It is important to note that Katherine’s experience with the dark side of exploration is real and needs to be addressed here....what she saw was not from the Light or a communication from Rudy..it was negative forces...how does this happen and why??? Let me explain...you must always ask for protection when you do meditation or any pursuit into the psychic, spiritual realms. One of the Gifts of Holy Spirit is the gift of DISCERNMENT..and excellent one to pray for...

So many of you out there have used the Ouije board..at first a loved one will give you answers and it is amazing and fun..then something else comes through and gives very dark messages and scares you...I have had so many adults and teens who have had this experience..I have as well...you open a door where dark forces can disguise themselves as your loved ones...the dark messages of death and things that would scare you are not from them.

It is essential to seek guidance from God and to go to the highest source possible for answers..it is nothing to play around with..when I speak of Spirit, it is not a Spirit Guide or Guardian Angel , that is guiding me, it is HOLY SPIRIT, Sophia the Great Comforter..The Great Wisdom....since I was a little Girl.

When Rudy communicates it is not that he takes over my body...I do not allow that..there is a boundry that is set and I act as a conduit and I discern what is being conveyed through a filter so to speak..more on this later...the amazing feeling that he conveys when he expresses things to me is so clear..I am also an EMPATH...so I feel what others do and express it into words..it is also how I do my healing work. So trust me when he told Katherine what a virginal experience their love was he meant every word of it. He was a pure Spirit trapped in a very decadent, jaded world...this love, his last, in that life, was the salvation he was looking for...more later...love to all M

A Little Interlude

While Marilene is recovering from her exhausting trip to LA and returning to Indpls, we'll have a little interlude.

Remember when I said that many people have commented that Rudy wouldn't have made the transition to sound film because he had a high squeaky voice?  It infuriates me to hear that.  There are no existing recordings of Rudy speaking.  There are two recordings of him singing.  I talked about this much earlier.

Anyway, here is one of the songs.  Listen and judge for yourselves how high and squeaky his voice is.

Rudy's voice....singing "El Relicario" from his film, "Blood and Sand".

2008 Ends

This is the final session for 2008.

2009 will be a different story, literally and figuratively.  Marilene and I will finally make it to Los Angeles in May.  I've already told you about the rose, but there is more to tell about the trip.  Once I had a grasp on the events of the past and moved on, I have spent my time with Marilene honing my understanding of, not just one past life, but of Spirituality and her concrete, steadfast belief in the power of unconditional love.  

Okay, let's get 2008 done and behind us.  Our session took place December 16, 2008.   Begin tape...........

I have been sleeping very poorly recently and having fantastic dreams. 

“The Lakota Sioux call it the December moon or the Snow moon.  It is the brightest moon.  So, yes, the full moon will start to affect people a couple of days before and a couple of days after.  But this moon has been getting everybody all month.  Everyone I talked to on Sunday (Marilene had a gathering and group session at her house) said they didn’t sleep the night before.  It was wild.”

The absolute worst was.....Can dark forces affect meditation?

“Yes.  You need to protect yourself.  I’ve had some stuff happen.  Why?”

Here’s the deal.  I was meditating.  At first I attributed what happened to Rudy, but I couldn’t figure out why on earth he would do it.  So, then I thought maybe I did it to myself, but I knew that I was deep in meditation.  Actually, it was like Rudy jumped in right away and yanked me out.  What happened, Marilene is, I was meditating.  My mind was clear, I was concentrating on my breathing, nothing else.  All of a sudden I had this flash, and this picture appeared in front of me of what his physical remains look like now in the coffin.

“Oh, no.  He would not do that to you.  There is something weird happening with death stuff right now.  I mean the door is wide open right now and a lot of people are choosing to leave.  They are being given the option to be here or to not be here.

That’s horrible.  You shouldn’t put up with that.  Even he would go ‘okay you have to deal with the fact that I’m dead’, but not like that.  That’s dark energy.  They can fool you.  It’s like with a Ouija board.  A dark spirit will come and fool you.  It will pretend to be so and so and then say something awful.  We’ll do some real strong protection stuff today.  How long did it last?”

It was just a flash, and then I think Rudy yanked me out or I threw myself out.

“Did you see yourself?”

No, it was like I was standing looking down into the open coffin.  It was just........

“You saw his deterioration?”

Yes, and it was horrible. 

“We have to work on protections for your meditations.  It’s not about stopping meditation because you’re going to be fine.   But, always protect before you go in.  See yourself grounded in the light and surrounded by the light, and see that nothing can come through that circle.  Ask for total protection while you meditate.”

Did you get my message about my daughter being accepted into Nursing School?

“Yes.”

She thought she was the second one down on the waiting list.  But, she really was first.  When she called her advisor, she was told that someone had just turned their spot down and she was in.  (FYI it is now as difficult to get into Nursing School as it is to get into Medical School.)

“Talk about divine intervention.  Rudy was definitely in on that one.”

When she told me, I was sitting at my desk, and I looked at his picture and burst into tears.  I knew he had a hand in it somehow.  I think my parents were right there as well.  It’s funny, he seems to be so involved with my whole family.

“He just said, ‘it’s his family, too’.”

Oh!  Is there some significance to the color green?

“Green is the color of healing and it’s the color of the heart chakra.”

The reason I’m asking is now when I close my eyes to go to sleep, all I see is green.  This really pretty Kelly green.  I’ve never seen color before, only darkness.

(Marilene is smiling)”That’s the heart chakra.  It’s the heart vibration that you are connecting with.  That’s really neat.  He’s showing me something about his poetry.  Was his poetry ever published?”

Yes.  He had a little volume of poetry published.

“That’s what he’s saying to me.  He wants that brought out.  He wants his poetry shown.  Have you ever found it?”

Yes, I have a copy of it.  I got it from the same rare book dealer who sold me Rudy’s manager’s memoirs.  (And, gentle readers, I have done exactly that, I have shown you some of Rudy’s poetry.)

“That’s what he said........she pauses for quite a while......There are so many things.  There is a plethora and it is multilayered and multidimensional.  Even I will question it, and I’ll hear him talking to me at the wildest times.  It’s like when I got depressed on Saturday, he told me I had to stop it.  I will hear him talking to me.  After I work with a spirit for a while, they become very distinct.  You know it’s not in your head.  I can discern what is other spirit and him communicating.  It took a while, but now I know.  I just got hot!  This heat just went through me.  He is a very distinct presence.

He’s showing me.....Yes, you were the innocence he had lost.  Whatever he didn’t get to experience when he was your age.  I believe that when we attract people in, with an age difference, it’s about an aspect of ourselves looking for what we didn’t experience at that age.  I’m getting hot and cold chills.  That’s what he is showing me.  So, it was him being able to go back and find that.  And, he says that when you start to remember more, yes, the experiences you had were with this romantic older man, but the more you remember, it was like a virginal experience for him as well.  God, that’s new!  It was like the first time for him because of the way his other experiences had gone.  Woo!  He says, think about it and you’ll remember.  You’re remembering through the eyes of this nineteen year old girl and who he was.  You are going to have some more things come up emotionally where you will see him as the innocent boy that was your age.  Oh, this is so cool.  That’s what he just said.......and you’ll get it.”....................End tape.

Oh, I got it!

A 19 YEAR OLD GIRL'S GRIEF

HOW MANY OF YOU, US, ARE LIVING A LIFE THAT IS IN PIECES??? Remember the nursery rhyme about HUMPTY DUMPTY, had a great fall??? It is a story of "The Fall" when we as a group consciousness fell through fear (not sex) into the illusion of separation, from self,others and Spirit.

Fragmentation..it will and does kill us...as painful as the process is to RE-MEMBER, it is the way to wholeness and bliss. Pain is not our enemy, it is telling us that something is wrong...embrace and address what ever type of pain that you are feeling and you can morph it into positive energy.

The Incredible Journey that Katherine, Rudy and I have been on, and are on, is about that. Do the work my friends..you can heal your life...dig deep into the great mystery of life and YOUR LIFE....this is not a dress rehearsal or trial run this is it. The world is a stage...and I for one am tired of "strutting and fretting" on it..Shakespeare said it all when he said that. I am writing a new play and it does not include strutting and fretting..well maybe some strutting...but no more fretting!!!!

The pain that Katherine had been in her whole life is now being healed the fragmentation that was robbing her of her joy, is over...and for Rudy as well...and it has healed the way I do, and perceive my work and life.....LA has given me a new lease on life that would never have happened without Katherine and Rudy...I am eternally grateful.....

Katherine, I have had the same pattern in this life, meeting people after the negative women in their life before me hurt them, and I am the healer...been there done that no more....ready for wholeness...this adventure is also healing my personal life and how I perceive relationships....and I love Rudy's poetry....so powerful...I invite all of you to read the poem again and then understand the anger and grief that he must have experienced when his "wife" had the two abortions.

The beauty of a healing of the past here in PRESENT TIME is amazing...Rudy has had time to set it all up and here we are...more on that later..love to all time to LIVE..... 

A 19 Year Old Girl's Grief

“A Baby’s Skin” from DAYDREAMS, Rudolph Valentino

Texture of a butterfly’s wing,

Coloured like a dawned rose,

Whose perfume is the breath of God.

Such is the web wherein is held

The treasure of the treasure chest

The priceless gift – the Child of Love.

Up to this point I have said nothing about Rudy’s two wives.  There are several reasons.  In my opinion, his first wife isn’t worth mentioning.  His second wife was a major factor in his life.  She was beautiful, and he was very much in love with her when he married her.  To me, she was a most narcissistic person—everything centered around her.  She used Rudy.  In order to aggrandize herself she came near to destroying him and his career.  Once again, I need to be careful, because, I am not objective when it comes to my feelings about her.

When she was divorcing Rudy, a mutual friend, the actress Nita Naldi, defended Rudy.  She let it be known all over town that on two occasions she had accompanied Rudy’s wife when she aborted two different pregnancies.  This is hearsay, but I will tell you that when Rudy’s ex was interviewed years later, she was asked directly about the story of the abortions.  Her reply was...”I always said that I would never have children and I meant it!”

This is most likely unfair on my part, but I’m going to give you a glance at her through my eyes.  When Rudy was on the set, he insisted that everyone: all cast and crew call him, Rudy.  When she was on the set or anywhere else, she demanded that she be addressed as Madame Valentino.  I think that pretty much says it all. 

(continuing with the October 30, 2008 session)   Begin tape............

“Dying that way....that’s why you keep seeing yourself with him in the vineyard with the baby.  It’s healing.  He wants you to think about that and not dwell on the bad things.  That’s just as real.”

I realize now, that there’s no way that all this could have been revealed to me at one time.  I couldn’t have handled it.  Another thing...I get the definite feeling that Rudy wants me to stop referring to it in the first person.  He wants me to say, “she was pregnant when she left.  But it’s really hard.

“Yes, it’s just aspects of self.”

The end of this story is waiting for me in LA.

“Absolutely.  Who named him Valentino?”

He did.  He chose the name.  Did you know that Rudy was in the process of becoming an American citizen when he died?  Supposedly there were angry demonstrations in Italy.  Rudy simply answered, “Italy is the country of my birth, but America has given me everything.”........End tape.

(Another quote from Rudy concerning his feelings about America:  “I love all countries and all peoples, as I want all countries and all peoples to love me.  But it is in America that my Golden Opportunity came to me.  It is America who gave me the world.”)

I found the quotes that I have been sharing with you from all manner of research that I have done over the last two years.  I have a huge file with every single scrap of paper, printed document, or email that I have encountered or received.  I have immigration records, census records, copies of newspaper articles (thanks to the Library of Congress), and I even have an email from the Librarian for the California State Railroad Museum Library.  She was kind enough to research and send me information regarding a question I had about train travel from New York to LA.  I needed to know how long the trip took from Chicago to LA.  Because there was no direct train from New York to Los Angeles, a change to the “California Limited” had to be made in Chicago.  The train left Chicago daily at 8 pm and arrived in LA three days later at 2:15pm.  Once I had that information, I dug and found that when Rudy was traveling from New York to LA, he had to basically hide until he was ready to board The Limited.  He would stay at the Blackstone Hotel until it was time to go to the station.

The sad part of this tale is now finished.  I can honestly say, that going through the process of discovery was one of the most painful experiences of my life.   I can look back now fairly detached from the sadness and grief that had fragmented my life.  As Marilene told me, I had been living pieces of a life....one here....one there, constantly trying new things in an effort to get rid of pain and deal with the effects of something that I didn’t know or understand.

Things were looking up. 

LAST BIG PIECE OF THE PUZZLE..

WALTZ....so funny I had forgotten that piece..thank you again Katherine for diligently recording and documenting it all..my downfall..lack of organization..yikes..guess who also likes the waltz and guess what, it is how I first met this person from the other level...JIM MORRISON...of all people.

In 1992 or so Jim Morrison appeared to me as real as flesh in a LUCID DREAM we were in a huge ballroom, only us there, and he was dressed very formally from the by gone days of waltzing, he bowed and asked me to dance..we glided across the floor effortlessly..healing all the pain of never being asked to dance when I was younger...that is another story my friends.."all dressed up and now where to go" and no one asking me to go anywhere...but Jim seemed to in that one dream heal a huge piece of that.

The Waltz, like classical music, is healing and soothing..interesting...I can imagine how shocked that you were Katherine when you arrived on the 18th..the day I had picked up on...and had the memories come back....and again the way that you found objects and music from The Leviathan amaze me..all pieces of the puzzle..

I suspected all along the end of this story..not the end, but rather the result of that Waltz and the culmination months later at Falcon Lair....your union..true union with Rudy as a Soul Mate...would have manifested a pregnancy....the poem he wrote is amazing....and then to have all of that in a moment and a twinkling of the eye end...is a tragic love story...not one but THREE deaths.....

Rudy says never fear dear one, all is well and healing on the other side of the Veil..direct quote...we are multidimensional beings of Light and we are in many places at one time....love to all sending love and healing energy M 

Last Big Piece of the Puzzle

Here's a little tip......if you are looking for a warm, fuzzy, "Yes" spiritual counselor, Marilene is not the one you want.  This is just one of the multitude of things that make her SO special!  Her gifts and abilities are astounding, as so many people in Los Angeles have learned over the last three weeks.  For me, it boils down to a factor of trust.  After my object lesson with the Virginia thing, I trust Marilene to keep me on the right path.  As you will read in this post, the first thing to do is watch her face.  So, with that said. let's go on.

Between my session with Marilene on October 3^rd and my next session with her on the 30^th, my husband and I had made our trip to The Greenbrier.  (This is the post that I’ve been dreading, but here is the final piece of the puzzle.)

Begin tape..........

Remember when you said that Rudy told you something big would happen on the 18^th while I was at the Greenbrier?

“Yes”

Well, something big did happen on the 18^th.  We arrived at the hotel.  The whole main floor is just one beautiful room after another....gorgeous rooms.  We were walking and looking when we walked into this one room.  Marilene, what was happening to me was....I was flashing so fast back and forth between two similar scenes.

“You got there when?”

Abut 4:30 on the 18^th.  I had to grab onto my husband.  He said, “What’s the matter?”  I said, “just a second.  Give me a sec.”  He asked me if I had been there before.  I told him, “No, I have never been in this room before, but there is something about this room.”  The white woodwork, the floral fabric, the black and white floor, everything.   For a couple of days, when he was attending the meetings, I went back there and sat.  One morning, I grabbed a pen and wrote.....

          Monday, October 20, 2008:

What is it about this room?  The first time I walked in here my sense of déjà vu was so strong I actually became dizzy and disoriented.  It’s not that I feel like I have been here before, at least, I don’t think so, it’s more that the room reminds me of something.  I think it is a salon on the Leviathan.  I keep seeing and feeling the ship.

“I knew you were going to say the boat.”

Oh, the 1921  Victrola I purchased arrived.  When I play the record made by the Leviathan Orchestra, I can feel myself dancing with Rudy.  (I had been frantically looking and collecting anything I could find of value associated with Rudy and that time.)  It’s funny, everybody associates the Tango with him, but his favorite dance was......

“The waltz.  He just told me.”

Oh, did he?  (I started laughing)  The song on the record is a waltz.  It was recorded in 1924.   Marilene, before I came here today, I was meditating in my office.  I had “The Song of India” looping softly in the background.  Rudy must have thought I was ready, because he finally gave me the last piece of the puzzle.  I want to watch your face when I tell you this.

“Okay, I’m ready.  Go ahead.”

When he made me leave him on June 23^rd, I was pregnant.

(Marilene sat straight up in her recliner) “I knew it!  That’s why I think there were those dreams about the child.”

I didn’t know it and, of course, Rudy didn’t know.  But by August, I was certain of it.  I couldn’t tell anyone.  I was terrified, but I knew everything would be all right.  Rudy would be over the moon when he found out.  I would go to Chicago to meet him.  When Rudy was on his way back to LA from New York after the premiere showings of THE SON OF THE SHEIK, he would change trains in Chicago.  There was no direct train from NY to LA.  So, I knew I could meet him there, and I would tell him then.  As soon as I told him, I was sure we would leave for Paris.  We talked about getting married in Paris when I was with him in June, then it was just a dream.  But now, I believed it would be a reality.  How could I know that the train carrying him back to Chicago from New York would be carrying his dead body in a coffin? 

I was out of options.  I had no where to turn.  

“Oh God.  That had to have been so awful.”

The stress of Rudy’s death combined with the fear and everything became too much.  I miscarried the baby and died in the process.  Everything had been stripped away from me, and I had absolutely no reason to live and no fight in me.

“That’s why I have been having stabbing pains through my abdomen.  I’m feeling it!  The numbers are perfect.  Oh, my God.  Okay.  This is all totally accurate.  The way the numbers line up.”

Rudy has tried to be so gentle about all this.  Only giving what he knew I was ready to handle.

“It had to have been just devastating.  This is 100 percent accurate.  Do you think it was a boy or girl?”

It was a boy.

“Rudy just said it was a boy.  You died in October.”

I know.

“That is just wild.   It lines up so totally perfectly.  The dates you would have been on the Leviathan would have been.....”

January 19, 1926 to January 27, 1926.

“That’s perfect.  Because from Christmas day to the 25^th of January you were in an 8 month cycle, but from the 25^th of Jan to the 25^th of February, you were in a nine month.  When you died in October, you were in a nine month.  This entire thing happened during a 5 year.  It couldn’t be more on the money.  All of it is here.  That’s why he kept trying to work with you in the dream, you were holding the baby and you were.....because on another level it was finishing.  It was playing out the way it should have been.  (Marilene looked at me for a minute.)  You brought all that grief back with you into this life.  You never dealt with it.  No wonder your life here has been so fragmented.”

All of a sudden, I am so tired........End tape.

One thing I have to tell you, my dear readers, is that when you are working with Marilene, she is always holding a tablet and pen.  She writes frequently as she gets insights and information.   She uses dates and is constantly figuring spans of time and the cycles involved.  She can explain it much better than I. 

I will let Rudy have the last word.  More than anything, he wanted to be a father.  This is all part of the emotional work that both of us had to do...me in this dimension and Rudy in spirit.  It was his dream to have a loving home and a family.  This is a poem titled, “Three Generations of Kisses” from his book of poetry, DAYDREAMS.  I want to give you this glimpse of his heart and soul.

A Mother’s kisses

Are blessed with love

Straight from the heart

Of heaven above.

Love’s Benediction,

Her dear caress,

The sum of all our happiness.

Till we kiss the lips

Of the mate of our soul

We never know Love

Has reached its goal.

Caress divine,

You reign until

A baby’s kiss seems sweeter still.

That beloved blossom

A baby’s face

Seems to be

Love’s resting place.

And a million kisses

Tenderly

Linger there in ecstasy.

Were I told to select

Just one kiss a day;

Oh!  What a puzzle

I would say.

Still a baby’s kiss

I’d chose, you see,

For in that wise choice

                        I’d gain ALL Three.

This is the finish of the part of the story that ended in 1926.  The rest of the story goes on......(to be continued)

OCTOBER 3RD, 2008 PART 2

JEALOUSY is such a awful thing...we have all experienced it..being of the Sun sign Scorpio, I have had many lessons with that emotion...Katherine you should have come out here with us....Rudy would have really liked that ....and it is so absurd for you to think that he is falling in love with me...I am the messenger, don't kill the messenger or be jealous of her...

Wait till you see the photos...I will have Merlin post the amazing photo he took of the two Swans and I have one also that is a money shot...yes the real story of life manifested outside of the tomb..we spent little time in there and I was guided outside to the side pond by it..there were cats and squirrels and the Swans...life....

As you have read in Katherine's post..I am not a yes person...I knew that when she found Virginia..she was the wrong age for what I had seen and been told....I felt some sort of connection..which could be the genetic link to Katherine's family..but knew that the woman I was seeing was younger...

The saga continues out here to unfold do not want to come home but have obligations in Indianapolis to attend to and I miss my 8 cats and 3 dogs so much..Katherine I miss you as well and I know you will be out here sooner than you think...love to all and good night M

October 3, 2008, Part 2

As you read in Marilene’s post, she went to the cemetery yesterday.  I have read her post about six or seven times now.  Jealousy is a dark and destructive emotion.  When I read her post for the first time, I felt crushed because I wasn't there and jealousy started to worm its way in.  (This has happened before, as you will read farther along in the blog.)  But, this morning, I even went so far as to ask Rudy if he were falling in love with Marilene.  I’m sorry but I cannot tell you what his response was…not because it was profane or something like that….well, I guess it could have been.  I don’t know because he yelled it in Italian!!

I am very glad that Marilene had witnesses to what happened.  I know, Merlin is her son.  I’ve only met him face to face once.  But, I get the definite feeling that there is no way to force that young man to say something he doesn’t want to say!  Her son aside….Steven was there.  I cannot say enough good things about Steven.  Spirit placed him in Marilene’s and my path when we were in LA.   He is a very popular and busy driver there.  He has branched out into his own business, One For The Road.  If you ever find yourself in LA and in need of a driver, do yourself a favor and try to get Steven!  He’s wonderful.  Anyway, believe me…there is no way that Steven would say that something happened if it didn’t.

Okay, I was feeling damn sorry for myself, but Rudy finally put a stop to it.  He simply said, “Who, the hell, do you think the swans represented?”   That’s it.  It’s the perfect similitude.  A part of me was floating silent and alone, then “out of nowhere”  Rudy came to me and wrapped himself around me.  And who stood with us as it all happened?   Marilene Isaacs.

Begin tape..............

Remember when you first told me that you were getting something about Christmas and it was cold and snowy?  And I thought “in LA?”  Well, after some research, I found out he was in London.  He was there with his brother, sister-in-law, and nephew.   They stayed at the Savoy Hotel.  Then you said there was a jump in time to January 23^rd. 

I knew that something happened that set up those 12 days in June.  He had to have come back by ship, so I started digging.  It took a while to find out which ship he was on.  Once I had the name of the ship, The Leviathan,  I called the Library of Congress and asked them to confirm the sailing dates of the Leviathan.  The research librarian told me to give her some time, and she would email me whatever she could find.  Well, she sent me an article from an obscure paper in Kentucky, but also an article from “The New York Times” which confirmed a sailing date of January 19, 1926 due to arrive in New York on the 27^th.  The 23^rd was smack in the middle of that crossing.  Marilene, I get a very strong feeling that I was on that ship.

(It is here, that I will direct you back to my post mentioning the Trellis Room at the Greenbrier.)

“This is what he is saying to me.  ‘Quiet flirtations.’  What a funny way to say it, but that’s what he said, ‘quiet flirtatious energy’.  The mood was light and fun, but a definite transition took place.  It’s when the seeds were planted.  That’s what he’s showing me.”

Why do you keep rubbing your hands?  You’ve never done that before.

“It’s like there is almost something.....not slimy, but......”

I’m sorry, I just noticed it.

“That’s good.  You have to tell me.  Sometimes I’m not aware of what I’m doing.  I can feel this thick layering of this energy.  It’s all in my arms and my hands.”

Obviously, something is going on.

“It’s just like....the whole room feels like it is filled with this thick energy.  I can see it and feel it.  Major spirit energy.  It has to do with what Rudy’s talking about bridging the dimensions.  Whatever is happening here, we are creating a new playing field for communication.  This feels very different than other things I have worked on.  It’s a whole different energy.”

I can’t see it, but I know he’s here.  He is usually with me.  The other day I decided to watch one of his films.  It was early afternoon.  I snuggled into my chair and had my legs up.  I put my head back.  All of a sudden I had a flash.  Something shifted.  It was like he was there.  I was leaning back against him, against his right shoulder.  He was reading to me in French, and then he would have to stop and translate it for me because I didn’t understand French.  We were stretched out on a love seat.

“Wow.  That must have been coming from June.  It had to have happened.”

You know, as time has gone on, it has become blatantly obvious to me that Rudy chose you.  He guided me here.  He chose you!

“I feel very honored to be chosen.  I think he knows that my experiences with people on the other side have been interesting.  (Marilene had recently visited me in my home and watched THE FOUR HORSEMEN OF THE APOCALYPSE.  She’d been told that it was important for her to see it.)  There is a strong connection between Rudy and I, because whatever, just from watching that film, I really got much more of what his real energy, his soul energy was about.  It was a wonderful experience.”

Did you pick up anything from my house?

“Everything.  I loved being in your house, because it helped me.  The whole experience helped cement it.  Once I’ve been somewhere, I have almost a photographic memory.  Watching that film definitely helped me bridge something with his energy.  And we have a very strong similar empathic way that we communicate.  It’s the way psychic energy works.  It’s a very empathetic energy.  We match up, like a person you can do a blood transfusion with.” ...........End tape.

I will be absolutely honest with you......even though Marilene and I are both convinced that I was on that ship, I have no proof.  One thing holding me back is that I have no idea what my name was.  Anyone who knows me well, knows that once I get my mind set on something, I’m like a dog with a bone.....I will not let go.

After hours and hours of searching, I finally came up with a photo static copy of the Captain’s manifest for The Leviathan sailing on January 19, 1926.  I found Rudy, his brother, sister-in-law, and nephew on the passenger list.  I found one family, a father, mother, and single daughter listed.  They were first class passengers, but the daughter was listed as being 22 years old.  When I told Marilene, she shook her head, and said she didn’t think so.  But, I wanted it to be my answer.  So much could be explained!  But, I never got over the feeling that something was wrong, no matter how much I wanted to believe it.  Just to make sure, I kept digging and digging.  I would give up for a while, then start back again trying a different path of investigation.  Finally after weeks, I found a wedding announcement for the daughter in the Chicago Tribune.  She had been married on February 20^th.   Once I had her married name, I found her and her family in the 1930 and 1940 census.  So that settled that.  Marilene was right.  (Now there’s a shock!)

The goofy thing is this:  I have spent years doing genealogical research on my family.  I am fairly certain that I am related to that family that sailed on the Leviathan, on my mother’s side.  Don’t ask me what it means, I have no idea.  It may mean nothing.......but once again the term “synchronicity” seems to come in to play. 

OCTOBER 3RD, 2008 PART 1 A SINGLE RED ROSE

YES ...indeed...he did beg us to go to LA and we did and I am here now...have been here since the 5th of August...I know now what he had in store the whole time..it is amazing...when I look back, and again I am grateful to Katherine for taping our sessions...it is all there.

He made her face the reality of the death of the physical form...in embracing death we live...live like you were dying...most people run from death...it has been all around me on this trip..almost everyone that I have been reading for have had very recent deaths of important people ....I am in a nine year in my numerology...which forces you to face death and clean house on all levels..mental, emotional, spiritual and physical...it has been the theme since my last birthday and I will go into the rebirth of the one year then. I am feeling that already, but I am deeply aware of the death...

When Katherine and I went to California in May of 2009, it was an amazing adventure...I had been to the crypt in February with a dear friend Whitney, who is mentioned in an earlier blog..she connected us to her friend Robert, now in his 80's, who had lived at Falcon Lair..by the way Steven drove me by Falcon Lair today..more later on that..I had a feeling that when we would go to Hollywood Forever that we would be alone in the Mausoleum...and we were...and as Katherine states...when we walked out Rudy said to me look down....there was a single red rose in the road...in the distance we were watching a coffin being carried to the hole dug in the earth, and family members dressed in black watching...it was so intense...I knew this was what Rudy had meant when he had said 8 months before that he was going to "gift" something to Katherine.

Today took on a life of its own..I had asked Merlin, my Son, to go with Steven and me to the crypt...Katherine had hoped we would miss all of the people who would be there because of the anniversary..well we did, but not on purpose...Rudy ALWAYS every time, arranges it that way, so that no one else is there when we go.

I went to the Church of The Good Shepherd and we drove past Falcon Lair, waiting for Merlin to finish his workout, so he could go with us to Hollywood Forever..we then went to his home and went to eat ...a sad man with an older dog walked by..he had just been to the vet and was told that his 12 year old dog that he had rescued at 6 months old, had 6 months to live...I ran energy and told him that I thought we had added another 3 months to that...(Rudy loved and loves dogs)...we then went to the cemetery...had no idea of linear time..it was about 4:30..

Went to the gift shop there to buy to roses and the woman who runs the shop said "oh, you missed all the people earlier, about a hundred showed up for a memorial service for Rudy...and then she said "oh they lock the mausoleum at 4..she ran out found a grounds keeper..AND HE UNLOCKED THE MAUSOLEUM...she was also just closing her shop..once again Rudy at work...

When we went in sure enough there were rows and rows of chairs and a life size photo of Rudy...flowers everywhere, and we found a huge photo of Rudy that was left behind..that we now have...Merlin has a fantastic new camera and is a great photographer...he took photos...I asked him to take a photo in front of the crypt..trust me here..I touched NOTHING AND I HEARD SOMETHING DROP ON THE MARBLE FLOOR...Merlin and Steven heard it as well...I look down and there is a PENNY..PENNIES FROM HEAVEN...I know it was Rudy again the penny was there somewhere but he made it fall...

We then went out and had many other wonderful things unfold I had never seen cats there before they were all over the place....we saw a lovely Swan..all alone on a beautiful little water way..I said to Merlin.."Swans mate for life" and I felt sad that she was there by herself..Merlin and I were taking tons of ph0t0s..I felt drawn to walk down to the the lone Swan....out of now where her Mate showed up...he got into the water and they became one they wrapped their necks around each other..Merlin and I got some fantastic shots of this...LOVE NEVER DIES...I just realized the meaning of the Swans...it felt dead and old in the crypt area..we only stayed a short time there..but spent a long time outside by the pool with the Swan and then Swans, plural....once again Rudy at work..poetry in motion..and Merlin loved it there..as I do...love to all Katherine you were there in Spirit....

October 3, 2008, Part 1 A Single Red Rose

Gentle Readers, it is 5AM.  I was awakened by a horrible dream and am trying to put it behind me.  Marilene's post has certainly helped to lift my spirits.  Rudy is fussing around me like and old hen.  Today will play out the way it is supposed to.  I'm not going to struggle against anything.  It is a sad day for me, but I won't let it drag me backward.  I can be sad without the memory of loss and grief tearing at me.

Marilene is going to the crypt, today.  A part of me wants to be there so badly.....but not if any of the loonies show up dressed as Arab sheiks or "the woman in black"...and they will.  They always do on the anniversary of his death.  I suppose in some warped way they think they are honoring him.  I think of it as a desecration.  Rudy simply hates it.  It would be fine if they would come dressed as themselves.  It's nice to be remembered. (That was from Rudy)  Okay, enough of that.  This post is so damned appropriate for today.  I marvel at how Spirit manages these things.

On October 3, 2008, Marilene and I had a very long session.  It was the last time we would see each other before my husband and I went to the Greenbrier Resort for a short vacation.  I have written about the trip in earlier posts.

Begin tape..........

Wednesday night, my husband had an all night shift on call at the hospital.  I was alone in the house, and Rudy started in.  The crux of it is, Marilene, we’ve got to go to California.

“Oh, I know.  That’s what I’m thinking too.”

He wants me at the crypt.  (The very thought made me shudder.)

“Okay, that makes sense.  Because last time, remember, he kept showing me stuff about Falcon Lair and about how we’re supposed to go there.  You’ve never been to the crypt?”

I’ve never been to LA.  Wednesday night, I swear if he could have taken corporeal form, it would have ended in a fist fight.  He kept pushing, I kept resisting.  But finally, I got this.....”do you trust me?”  Of course I do.  So, I have resigned myself that we’re going to go to California.

(Marilene is laughing)”Oh, he pulled out the trust card, did he?  He keeps saying, we’re going to go.  I think you need to be in the right place for something to open up which is usually how things work.  What is he saying?”

He just wants me at the crypt.  I get a sense of what it is he’s trying to do, and.....when I’m there, when I’m actually standing there, Marilene, I will no longer be able to pretend that he’s not dead.

“Right.  You have to face the mortality factor of that physical form.  It’s difficult.  I think that’s part of it.  I also get a sense, though, that there will be some form of really strong communication.  He is so specific.  I love how he does things.  He tests me too.  But, that’s my sense when you go to the tomb.  It’s closure, but it’s also an opening.......It’s a piece............I want to get this right. (She is sitting with her eyes closed, obviously listening to something)  It’s a piece of the puzzle and it’s essential to move forward.  It’s not an ending like you think it will be.”

I just pray that there is nobody else there.

“Nah, I’ll make sure there won’t be anyone else there.  He says it’s very peaceful.  And I think that it will be very peaceful when we’re there.  That’s my sense of it.  It wouldn’t be orchestrated any other way.”

Now, whenever Rudy is about to drop a thought, it’s like he gets my attention first by giving me this godawful chill.  It starts at the top of my head and radiates down through my body.  I actually shiver.  He wanted me to stop something this morning.  and uhm....I have a tendency to rehearse things out loud.  I anticipate what is going to occur, then literally rehearse.  I was doing that this morning and thinking about seeing you, and he didn’t want me to do it.  He told me to stop rehearsing.  And every time I would start to speak, he’d let me have it.  He’d zap me.  Finally, I yelled, “Stop it!”

(Marilene is laughing again.....now listening.)  “He’s apologizing for the suddenness and the overwhelming parts of what has happened.  He has tried to smooth things and not hurt you too badly.

We’re in a six month opposition from when it all started and things go in that sequence.  Something is lining up.  I think that’s what he’s trying to say.  He’s trying to make these things go smoother.  He doesn’t want it to be hard on you.  But, when the energies lined up for there to be that strong of a communication, it came more as an outpouring (......she pauses for awhile....listening........) Now this is interesting, too.  When we go to LA, there is something.  It’s interesting...I keep hearing music.  I feel like it’s one of those things when there’s going to be an overwhelming experience.  Something will be gifted to you at the cemetery.  You’ll find something, you’ll see something and you’ll know it’s a direct communication from him.”

........End tape.

Okay, you’ll have to pardon me, dear readers.  It’s been a long time since I have listened to this tape, and I didn’t remember the last exchange about something being “gifted” to me at the cemetery.  Now, I must tell you something.   Marilene and I finally made it to LA in May 2009.  I will talk more about the trip later, but I have to tell you this now!

When we went to the cemetery, I took red roses with me because they are Rudy’s favorite flower.  We spent quite a bit of time at the crypt, and Marilene took candid photos the whole time. (She can take photos faster than anyone I know.  She’s sneaky.)  As we were walking out of the mausoleum, we were walking down the steps, and Rudy told Marilene to look down.  There, lying directly in front of us in the middle of the road running past the mausoleum was a single red rose.  Marilene picked it up and handed it to me.  “It’s from Rudy.” 

Please understand that I’m not trying to tell you that Rudy created that rose out of thin air.  Of course he didn’t.  Obviously, a vehicle of some sort carrying floral arrangements passed the mausoleum while we were in there.  One flower fell out........a single red rose.

(to be continued) 

I took this photo in my room after we returned from the cemetery.  The rest of the roses like the ones I took to the crypt are on the left.  The rose we found is lying in front of Rudy's picture.

I will always remember.