Gentle Readers, it is 5AM. I was awakened by a horrible dream and am trying to put it behind me. Marilene's post has certainly helped to lift my spirits. Rudy is fussing around me like and old hen. Today will play out the way it is supposed to. I'm not going to struggle against anything. It is a sad day for me, but I won't let it drag me backward. I can be sad without the memory of loss and grief tearing at me.
Marilene is going to the crypt, today. A part of me wants to be there so badly.....but not if any of the loonies show up dressed as Arab sheiks or "the woman in black"...and they will. They always do on the anniversary of his death. I suppose in some warped way they think they are honoring him. I think of it as a desecration. Rudy simply hates it. It would be fine if they would come dressed as themselves. It's nice to be remembered. (That was from Rudy) Okay, enough of that. This post is so damned appropriate for today. I marvel at how Spirit manages these things.
On October 3, 2008, Marilene and I had a very long session. It was the last time we would see each other before my husband and I went to the Greenbrier Resort for a short vacation. I have written about the trip in earlier posts.
Begin tape..........
Wednesday night, my husband had an all night shift on call at the hospital. I was alone in the house, and Rudy started in. The crux of it is, Marilene, we’ve got to go to California.
“Oh, I know. That’s what I’m thinking too.”
He wants me at the crypt. (The very thought made me shudder.)
“Okay, that makes sense. Because last time, remember, he kept showing me stuff about Falcon Lair and about how we’re supposed to go there. You’ve never been to the crypt?”
I’ve never been to LA. Wednesday night, I swear if he could have taken corporeal form, it would have ended in a fist fight. He kept pushing, I kept resisting. But finally, I got this.....”do you trust me?” Of course I do. So, I have resigned myself that we’re going to go to California.
(Marilene is laughing)”Oh, he pulled out the trust card, did he? He keeps saying, we’re going to go. I think you need to be in the right place for something to open up which is usually how things work. What is he saying?”
He just wants me at the crypt. I get a sense of what it is he’s trying to do, and.....when I’m there, when I’m actually standing there, Marilene, I will no longer be able to pretend that he’s not dead.
“Right. You have to face the mortality factor of that physical form. It’s difficult. I think that’s part of it. I also get a sense, though, that there will be some form of really strong communication. He is so specific. I love how he does things. He tests me too. But, that’s my sense when you go to the tomb. It’s closure, but it’s also an opening.......It’s a piece............I want to get this right. (She is sitting with her eyes closed, obviously listening to something) It’s a piece of the puzzle and it’s essential to move forward. It’s not an ending like you think it will be.”
I just pray that there is nobody else there.
“Nah, I’ll make sure there won’t be anyone else there. He says it’s very peaceful. And I think that it will be very peaceful when we’re there. That’s my sense of it. It wouldn’t be orchestrated any other way.”
Now, whenever Rudy is about to drop a thought, it’s like he gets my attention first by giving me this godawful chill. It starts at the top of my head and radiates down through my body. I actually shiver. He wanted me to stop something this morning. and uhm....I have a tendency to rehearse things out loud. I anticipate what is going to occur, then literally rehearse. I was doing that this morning and thinking about seeing you, and he didn’t want me to do it. He told me to stop rehearsing. And every time I would start to speak, he’d let me have it. He’d zap me. Finally, I yelled, “Stop it!”
(Marilene is laughing again.....now listening.) “He’s apologizing for the suddenness and the overwhelming parts of what has happened. He has tried to smooth things and not hurt you too badly.
We’re in a six month opposition from when it all started and things go in that sequence. Something is lining up. I think that’s what he’s trying to say. He’s trying to make these things go smoother. He doesn’t want it to be hard on you. But, when the energies lined up for there to be that strong of a communication, it came more as an outpouring (......she pauses for awhile....listening........) Now this is interesting, too. When we go to LA, there is something. It’s interesting...I keep hearing music. I feel like it’s one of those things when there’s going to be an overwhelming experience. Something will be gifted to you at the cemetery. You’ll find something, you’ll see something and you’ll know it’s a direct communication from him.”
........End tape.
Okay, you’ll have to pardon me, dear readers. It’s been a long time since I have listened to this tape, and I didn’t remember the last exchange about something being “gifted” to me at the cemetery. Now, I must tell you something. Marilene and I finally made it to LA in May 2009. I will talk more about the trip later, but I have to tell you this now!
When we went to the cemetery, I took red roses with me because they are Rudy’s favorite flower. We spent quite a bit of time at the crypt, and Marilene took candid photos the whole time. (She can take photos faster than anyone I know. She’s sneaky.) As we were walking out of the mausoleum, we were walking down the steps, and Rudy told Marilene to look down. There, lying directly in front of us in the middle of the road running past the mausoleum was a single red rose. Marilene picked it up and handed it to me. “It’s from Rudy.”
Please understand that I’m not trying to tell you that Rudy created that rose out of thin air. Of course he didn’t. Obviously, a vehicle of some sort carrying floral arrangements passed the mausoleum while we were in there. One flower fell out........a single red rose.
(to be continued)
I took this photo in my room after we returned from the cemetery. The rest of the roses like the ones I took to the crypt are on the left. The rose we found is lying in front of Rudy's picture.
I will always remember.
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