NOT MY FAREWELL

RUDY is very amused by the "farewell" that Katherine has typed on her blog..he is reminding us all that there are no farewells, there is no death only life. He says to me right now as I write this "I love Katherine with all of my heart and Soul, remind her that as she is speaking of the freedom of the Eagles and Falcons to soar...I would tell her, and all of you to be as the Phoenix...who rises from the ashes and is born anew each day.....and then be the Falcon that has the ability to soar, but also see things from a very high perspective.

Look up my friends and then don't forget to stay up, but then look down and get the BIG PICTURE...that is the message here...the difference in making decisions based on seeing only what is around you on the ground, and then ascending to the vantage point of height to see from that level, is astounding. It will also save you a lot of time and energy...we have the choice to keep learning through repetition of lessons and suffering, or getting the big picture and making decisions and taking action from that perspective. I know I am making conscious choices right now to no longer to react and make decisions based on limited information and ground level observations.

Katherine'story is all of our story's of self discovery and finding out who we really are and why we are really here. We are amazing Beings of Light...created by the Divine Mother and Father to have free will and to Co-Create with them....it is designed to be a journey...and that is the long and winding road that the Beatles and others talk about..it at the end of the day leads us to the doors we go through and back to our divine path and our true home. We like the prodigal son, must go out and explore and leave the safety of the known path, and use our free will to create and make mistakes, the word sin, translated, means missing the mark...and when we are weary from learning through illusion and disappointment, and separation we return HOME...and realize in the words of Dorothy from the Wizard of Oz, "there's no place like home, there's no place like home"....

Where that Home is, is different for each of us...it is within and without...it is above and below...you can spend your whole searching never realizing you have always had the key...I think that is from an EAGLES song..speaking of Eagles...hummm..Rudy is very amusing you know and does keep up more than we know on some current events and music..he amazed me today...each week, each day there are converging energies that I know that he is orchestrating from the very high level that he is on..he continues to open doors for me in LA, and from the most unexpected places.

I have been going through wonderful things and difficult times as well and had really given up on even going back to LA like I have been talking about in November...being overwhelmed with day in and day out survival here how in the world could I even think about going back to Hollywood...well many doors..new ones are opening..connections that I am sure have been in place from long ago waiting for me to shift up into my High Self, Pilot Self...to be able to see and go with....the outer world is just a reflection of what is going on inside of ourselves...

Dear readers...this is just the beginning..much of what is happening with Rudy and Katherine is only theirs to know and share at this point of the journey...but like the Phoenix...the next parts that they can and will share will rise up out of the ashes and a new story will be shared with all of you...as for me...I am only wanting my divine path to unfold and I am willing to let go of anything on any level that is blocking me from finding and fulfilling my true destiny...I will continue to write...I should have written so many books over the last 40 years..but now I will speak and share what I know I must...sending love and healing energy to all ....fly and soar and look down on your life from that Pilot Self and you will know what to do and where to go...MM

My Farewell

So here we are.  We have reached the end of my portion of the blog.  It is time for Rudy and Marilene to carry on without me.  (I may be back from time to time if I have new information. I'm following a lead right now, but have not finished.) When I started this journey two and a half years ago, I was confused and very fearful.  It seemed as if my life was spiraling out of control.  Throughout my entire life, I had been faced with unexplained phenomena and occurrences that I could not tell or discuss with others, fear of ridicule created a tortuous trap that was impossible to escape. 

I said before that this has been one of the most painful, yet rewarding experiences.  What I have learned!  The beauty I now see!!  At last, I know who I am, what I am, and where I fit in the wondrous existence that is ALL OF US.  I know why Rudy named his last home, Falcon Lair.  Falcons, hawks, and eagles are thrilling to watch because they soar with no self imposed limitations.  That is what Marilene and Rudy have tried so hard to teach me.  We can do the same if we drop the weights and chains that keep us bound.  We can soar.

(this was taken at The Greenbrier in West Virginia - yes it is a real hawk.)

One of the best parts for me has been watching one unexplained phenomenon after the other fall in the face of spiritual revelation.  The disjointed feelings of being misplaced in time, the emptiness and depression I fought for so many years, and the fruitless searching for the one “magical” thing that would stop the hurt.  Everything I tried ultimately failed because I was searching in the wrong places.  After all that running around, I returned to find my answers right here, right now.  I had carried them with me the entire time.  All I needed was someone to help me recognize and see within. 

The things I just mentioned were not the only questions.  Along the way, there were also more specific things in my life that I had always questioned.

My inexplicable, devout love for horses.  The feelings of joy and sorrow I experienced around horses.  To this day, I can get very teary just watching a beautiful horse.  I fantasized what it would be like to ride without paddock fencing, to ride free.  The last time I was on a horse, we were walking along when my horse broke into an uncomfortable trot.  Without thinking, I started posting.  One of the guides commented on it later.  I hadn’t even realized that I was doing it.  The pull of the desert has always been with me.  I’ve always found the desert to be beautiful and alluring.  Living in West Texas for over 5 years only served to enhance my already strong feelings.  I found a photo of Rudy taken outside Palm Springs that totally mesmerizes me.  Now, I understand.  Rudy’s love of horses and of the desert was passed on to me.  And it was he who taught me to ride.    

When I was in the 7^th grade, I met a new friend.  Having been reared in a home where religion of any kind was absent, I was amazed to walk into Bonnie’s house and be instantly drawn to her rosary.  I had the strongest feeling that I was supposed to be Catholic.  It was weird, and I certainly kept that little tidbit to myself, but I was never able to shake the feeling.  When I was in school at I.U., I lived at Read Center.  Many Sundays, I walked up 3^rd Street and attended Mass at the Catholic church.  I didn’t understand what was going on, but I felt good there.  When I visited Ireland for the first time, the feelings increased exponentially!  I finally worked up the nerve, called and enrolled in Adult instruction classes and was confirmed in the Church on Holy Thursday, 2001.  I have many issues with today’s Catholic Church, but the deep feelings are still there.  So in Los Angeles, when I walked into The Church of the Good Shepherd, I felt at home and at peace.  Someday I will attend Mass there and complete that circle.

I have always had the feeling that I had a guardian and a muse.  The guardian saved me on many occasions, not just from danger but also protected me from my own stupidity.  I wish I had a dime for every time I’ve whistled, “Whew, that was a close one.  How lucky can a person get?”  The muse fed my creative hunger and was always there when I needed inspiration.  “Spiritus” – Breath, or breathing.  It was breathed into me.  The perfect example of this happened not too long ago.

I am in the process of writing my third novel.  I reached a point where I was struggling.  As a woman it isn’t easy to word something the way you think a man should or would say it.  I needed my male protagonist who is a cultured and old fashioned gentleman to tell my female protagonist how he truly felt after making love with her for the first time.  She mistakenly thinks that the interlude meant nothing to him, until he rests his cheek against her head and whispers in her ear.  I got that far and stalled.  I could not find the right words.

I was sitting staring at my computer screen, drumming my fingers on the keyboard, when as clear as day, I heard.. “close your eyes and type.”  So, I closed my eyes and typed.  It was only after I finished and actually read what had been written that the full impact hit me.  (Marilene should remember this because I called her in tears.)  It is a most fitting end to my part of this blog.

“My darling, leaving you this morning was the hardest thing I have ever had to do in my long life.  The precious gift you bestowed on me last night renders me speechless.  The memory of your sweet flesh and the love you gave to me should keep me content till the end of time.  But, my love, I find that I am a greedy man, and I crave more of you.   Not just your body, but your sweet company.  I shall count the minutes until I can once again hold you in my arms, and I pray that they pass quickly for I grow restless to be with you.  I give my heart and soul into your keeping.”

That’s my Rudy.  He and I have settled into a perfect symbiotic relationship.  I know that he is never far away.  He has helped me find the utter joy and contentment with my life I now embrace.  I cherish and appreciate my family as I should, my wonderful husband, our two daughters and my son-in-law.  My love for Rudy is beyond my ability to express (and he won’t help me).  We both suffered terribly in our last lives, only finding each other when it was too late.  I’m not sure I will ever fully understand why that had to be.  However, it paved the road to Marilene and led us both to her.  Because without her, we wouldn’t be where we are now.

 Dear Readers,

Our thoughts, prayers, and very best wishes go with each of you who has traveled with us on this journey.  Thank you for your attention, your kindness and consideration.  May God and the Goddess grant you strength, joy and peace in your lives.  Until we meet again,

Blessed Be. 

CALIFORNIA HERE WE COME, PART 2

Oh here we go again what an adventure...LA is so alive and different than most people imagine..I love staying in the Hollywood Hills the suite that I have is the reverse of my home address 1008...and it was on the side of the Sunset Towers where I could see Merlin's house up on Miller drive..amazing...happy that I got to see him before he took off for the Cannes Film festival.

We went to The Chateau Marmont..amazing hotel...and restaurant for lunch...I had been there last fall with Merlin and friends at night at the bar lots of fun, and thought Katherine would love it as well...actually Rudy was guiding us there as well...we sat in a lovely courtyard, producers, movie deals being discussed around us, your ingenues hoping to be discovered ..quite amusing really...I take out a camera to take photos of the architecture...and the plants...(I swear) and a hotel official emerges and tells me photos are not allowed...I guess to protect the many celebs that frequent this place..believe me I have no interest in photos of those people...I got in six photos...Rudy found all of this very amusing...

A day and evening of relaxing and eating...so a cab to Whitney's who lives on Wonderland Ave in Laurel Canyon, not far from Jim Morrison's house...she is my friend I have known for 35 years...wonderful creative woman who has lost her vision due to a vaccination she had...we are working on healing her...praying for her sight to return....Katherine mentioned that we were relaxed..maybe she was..guess who got to drive Whitney's older model green Mercedes....ME...I love to drive but even backing down her driveway...steep beyond belief and angled...I agreed to drive us in the LA traffic if someone else would back the car down to the street...Dennis, Whitney's friend agreed to...then we were off...enjoyed the driving most of the time..Rudy also found all of this very amusing.

I drove up to Yamashiros and what a view of Hollywood ...will put up photos ...wonderful dinner..with two interesting women...we had a ball...laughed and enjoyed the energy there....Rudy of course loved every minute of it...we decided to drive down to explore Hollywood, the street was blocked off so we parked and looked around and then left...we had to go rest up for the next adventure....and oh what a day it was going to be...

Back to Laurel Canyon to pick up Robert and Whitney..this time not in a cab or me driving...Steven our wonderful driver and now friend..drove us there in a fabulous Denali...off we went..Robert is very spry and full of life..he is in his 80's you would never know it...he was so entertaining...and full of stories about Falcon Lair and the time he and his family lived there...it was all so unreal...I still marvel at how this all evolved...yet here we were a long way from Indianapolis sitting in my reading room talking about Rudy and his communications..we were living it.

It was a ride full of anticipation as we wound our way through Beverly Hills to Bella Drive..as we drove up my heart was racing...I felt a strange sensation of fear and apprehension as we neared the house I quickly got out my camera...Steven had to go up and turn around...everyone got out of the car...I lagged behind and started taking photos..unusual for me I am usually the first one to ring the doorbell..Whitney, Robert and Katherine were approaching the house, Rudy told me to start taking photos I love the one of the Flowers..we believe he planted those bushes..and if you look there is a mist in the photo I believe to be Rudy showing off his Spirit self.

An unkempt man came out and said that he was house sitting...the original house had been torn down in 2005 the shell remained it was heart breaking for me and devastating for Katherine..we found out later..Robert called this man that he knew Rudy's brother...but at that moment he was quite unfriendly and I photographed Katherine in a disturbed state walking away..it was so sad to be turned away from a place that we all should have been welcomed to...Rudy was sad and sickened...but also I felt a healing of the place occurring.

We went to the end of the road to the gates of what was Roman Polanski's home where his lovely pregnant wife, Sharon Tate had been murdered in the 60's by members of the Manson Family...Robert had told me earlier when I had met him that he remembered seeing Manson at the end of the road on a few occasions .....how eerie...to think he was living at Falcon Lair in that era...it was sad we looked through the gates and I sent healing energy to clear that event from the land there.

We drove away and as we left the mood quickly changed to a lighter note....off to Topanga Canyon to the Inn of The Seven Rays...wonderful drive almost to Malibu...the restaurant is a wonderful place where time has stood still...it is like time traveling back to the 1960's ..wonderful outdoor exotic seating, Buddhas and other statues and fountains decorate this outdoor wonderland...we were seated by the stream that flows by the this place..had organic, gorgeous food prepared with great energy...Rudy loved this place..loved it....

Back to LA and more and more stories of Rudy and reviewing our days adventures...The Church of the Good Shepherd where Rudy's funeral took place..we drove right by it...I could feel the energy and go back in time to 1926...many layers of energy there....all of this was a healing experience for all of us...you could see that the journey back in time and to Falcon Lair was happening at the perfect time for him...it brought lifetimes of healing into present time....so much to digest and ponder upon....the story to this day keeps unfolding... 

California Here We Come, Part 2

Marilene and I had spent a great deal of time at the cemetery....at Rudy’s crypt.  My quasi-journal continues.

I slept well last night.  But the time change is still getting to me.  I read until about 9PM and was so sleepy I had to turn off the light.  But then, I woke up at a quarter to 5 in the morning.  I dozed until 5:30, but was wide awake, so I got up.

Marilene and I are going to Chateau Marmont for lunch.  That is our only plan for today until we go to Yamashiro’s for dinner.  We’re going to meet Whitney and have dinner with her.  Then tomorrow, I’m hiring a car for the day, so we can see something without having to deal with taxis.  The cabs here are horrible.

5:00PM....Marilene just called.  She said something about going to Grauman’s Chinese Theater.  Evidently, Whitney has some ideas of a couple of places to go after dinner.  This evening should be interesting.

Friday, May 15:

We had a fabulous dinner last night.  Whitney is wonderful. She is one of the bravest people I have ever met.  (Whitney unexpectedly lost her eyesight.  She is amazing.  I’m not sure how I would deal with a horrible blow like that.)

We ate at Yamashiro’s, a Japanese restaurant way up in the hills.  After dark, the panoramic view of LA with all the lights on was spectacular.  We tried to go to Grauman’s after dinner, but there was a premiere of some movie.  Christian Bale was there.  Talk about a crowd!  Huge search lights lit up the sky. You couldn’t get near the place.

Thank God, we don’t have to depend on cabs.  Today, I am going to see the place where I/she spent 12 magical days in 1926.  Where Falcon Lair used to be.

It started with the car.  A beautiful, black Denali pulled up.  Our driver, Steven, could not have been more perfect for the day we had planned.  It was going to be so nice when we picked up Whitney and her friend, Robert, the man who had lived at Falcon Lair for a year.  He was marvelous.

But before we picked them up, we took another trip to the cemetery.  When Steven drove us to the cemetery, he was shocked.  First, he thought he’d be taking us shopping all day......WRONG!  He was also surprised because after living in LA for 19 years, he had no idea the cemetery existed.

I didn’t have any problems with grief at the crypt this time.  My only problem was NOW I didn’t want to leave him.  I walked away from the crypt twice, only to turn back.  Silly.  In the beginning, Marilene had to fight to get me to go there, then she had to fight to get me to leave.  We did some other grave sightseeing.  We saw Cecil B. DeMille’s tomb.  It’s very impressive as you would expect.  Marilene and I both felt a definite cold spot by the tomb.

We left the cemetery and drove to Whitney’s house in Laurel Canyon where we picked up Whitney and Robert.  Robert was a famous dancer and choreographer.  He choreographed the film, “Gypsy”.  He and his wife were good friends with Doris Duke who owned Falcon Lair for a while.  She asked them to live at the estate for a couple of years which they did.  She wanted the property occupied when she wasn’t there.  (I am sorry to say that it was Doris Duke who started selling off chunks of the estate instead of keeping it whole.  She let the stables go first.  What a shame.)

Robert is a charming, older man.  He has many stories, not of Rudy, because he didn’t know him, but Hollywood stories.  We left Whitney’s and headed to Falcon Lair in Beverly Hills.  When we turned up Bella Drive, I thought I was going to faint.  Memories came flooding back.  I got light headed for a little while.  I was crushed when I saw that the beautiful wrought iron gates had been replaced with horridly ugly solid steel ones.  The place looked like a fortress.  It was then that the anger began to build in me.

 (Marilene quickly shot this photo at Falcon Lair.  Spirit told her to start shooting pictures.  Good thing, cause we weren’t there very long.  Look at the lower center of the photograph.  You’ll see the mist.  My jaw hit the floor the first time I saw this.)

We hadn’t been there very long till a groundskeeper came out to ask us what we were doing.  Evidently, we’d set off alarms and motion sensors.  (See what I mean about the fortress?)

I felt very frustrated.  I was completely shut out.  I also picked up very quickly that Rudy was furious.  I now know that my anger was coming directly from him.  (If any of you know anything about body language, look at my posture and my stride in the next photo that Marilene took.  You’ll see the anger I’m carrying!)

I was very glad to leave there.  Unfortunately, the drive back down Bella Drive was worse than the drive up.  Too many memories!

Whitney came up with a great recommendation for a restaurant for lunch.  The Inn of the 7^th Ray.  It is up in Topanga Canyon.  It was beautiful and so peaceful, perfect for the four of us to talk.  I really needed the respite!

On the way back to Whitney’s house, we were stopped at a light.  Robert leaned over to me and asked me if Rudy had had a funeral Mass in LA?  I said that yes, of course he had.....a large high Mass at the Church of the Good Shepherd.  As soon as I said the name of the church, Robert pointed out my window.  We were stopped right in front of it.  I just smiled at him and said, “Nicely done.”  (I have since been back to LA and went into the church.  I didn’t stay for Mass, but some day I intend to.  It is a beautiful church, and looks exactly like the pictures from 1926.)

Saturday, May 16:

I was hoping that the physical manifestations of this trip, especially yesterday, would not appear until I got home.  I was wrong.  I got up this morning coughing with attendant gut problems.  Plus, my feet hurt so badly I wanted to cry.  I know I’m not sick, this is all the result of tumultuous emotion.  A final purging, if you will.

I didn’t sleep well again last night.  I can’t get my contacts in.  My eyes simply will not accept them.  I just spoke to Marilene.  She had a bad night, too.  Actually it was worse than mine!

I finally got my contacts in!

I’m struggling to find the words to describe yesterday.  How do you describe the indescribable?

This day turned out to be a day of rest for me.  I stayed in my room and kept shoes off my feet.  I needed a day!  Marilene stayed in her room, but she had several readings booked.

That evening, Marilene, Whitney and I had dinner together on our last evening in LA.  We ate at the hotel, but on the terrace by the pool.  It was so lovely.  Then it was back to the room to pack.  Leaving here is going to be very hard.

Sunday, May 17:

It was an uneventful trip home.  I didn’t want to leave.  It is going to take some time to process everything that happened during this amazing trip.

On the plane, I had a new experience.  I was thinking about Rudy and everything that happened when I got an uncontrollable urge to write.  I grabbed a piece of paper and a pen.  The only thing I can say is that Rudy, always the poet, dictated while I wrote.

“The only thing that has changed, my dear, is that we are closer, as close as we can be until the day you come to me.”

CALIFORNIA HERE WE COME, PART 1

WOW and what an adventure we had...first class experience all the way...Katherine wore the most gorgeous shoes...why are they always the most painful ones...I wear comfortable shoes..felt so sorry for her..but she looked glamorous....we were in Hollywood after all...

The Sunset Tower was built in 1929 and was the first earthquake proof building built in Hollywood...it was home to Marilyn Monroe, Clark Gable, John Wayne, Bugsy Segal..just to name a few...it is amazing and so comfortable and glamorous....ok here it goes...Katherine and I were going to share a Suite and very clearly Rudy said that "he wanted privacy with Katherine"...I was a little worried because I stay up til 2 or 3 and Katherine retires early, so when he started talking sternly to me about the privacy...I was relieved..we really lucked out...when said we would take two deluxe rooms, they upgraded us to two Jr. Suites for the same price...

You have to understand something about the Sunset Towers, many famous people stay here because it is small, understated and very private...and they even turn people away...for some reason Katherine and I are very well liked and welcomed there...it is a wonderful place to stay..have a drink at the bar or have a meal at, try it you will like it...last time I was there having a drink at the bar Rod Stewart and his wife and friends were two feet from me eating a very late dinner...so as Katherine reported we saw Kevin Spacey and HE SAW US..I swear he was checking us out...

The drink did wipe Katherine out it energized me..so I was so buzzed and time traveling into the past when Hollywood was glamorous....it is strange now everyone wears black and looks unkempt..some of the young girls look wonderful, but Rudy is always appalled at how they look he says they look like cheap..and the dark roots with blond hair really baffles him (and me)...as you all know I never wear black and love glamor as does Katherine, who by the way, has amazing taste in clothes and jewelery...Rudy so loves this..he was so proud of us and had so much fun accompanying us everywhere...

Oh, the cemetery...we took a cab...OMG everyone drives in LA..for a reason..the cabs are disgusting and a very questionable experience...the drivers don't seem to know where anything is...Forever Hollywood Cemetery being one of them..really???? It is only one of the most famous cemeteries in Hollywood...we made it and I thought I would have to drag Katherine inside of the Mausoleum ....It was easier for me of course I had been there, but seeing her reaction it brought back apprehension for me as well...I had promised to clear the place and just as Rudy and Spirit had promised, we had the whole place to ourselves...such a relief...

I started taking photos right away...and Katherine placed the roses in the vase we cleaned up and threw out old flowers basked in the beauty of the stained glass windows..it was amazing to see Katherine's fear and apprehension, morph into relief and peace when she realized..for real..that RUDY WAS NOT THERE...a very freeing moment for all of us...Rudy and Katherine now shifted into a new phase with their relationship...she faced her fears...a lesson for all of us...embrace what you are afraid of and you will be amazed at how it heals.....the look of peace and happiness amazed me...I was so grateful to be a witness to all of these events..

We walked out and I felt electrical energy everywhere a place of life not a place of death...Rudy told me to look down and there laying in the road a single RED ROSE..perfect, I knew in an instance that this was the gift that Rudy had promised here...we looked in the distance and saw a group of mourners, and pall bearers carrying a casket to the hole in the earth..you could feel the sorrow and group emotion even from the distance they were from us

We both assumed that the lone Rose that Rudy had land right in front of the Mausoleum, had come from the flowers from that funeral procession..we are not crazy..although... I do believe that Rudy could just manifest something if he had to....what a confirmation that there is no death.."Oh death where is thy sting, or Grave where is thy victory"...Hollywood Forever is the happiest most alive, glamorous cemetery I have ever been in...

Now to leave...we call a cab...we are on the phone forever....they could not figure out where it was...so we are stranded..so to speak in the cemetery...we finally go to the office and they call one..we are relieved we think oh surely, this will be a better experience than the cab ride there..WRONG....A filthy dirty cab pulls up, we get in a stoned out Jamaican man, with dred locks is driving...he peels out of the cemetery and a bottle of Dark Eyes Vodka rolls out from under the seat across our feet...we needed a drink after that ride home...lol

The good news that led Katherine to finding Steven, a wonderful Englishman, who has been our driver ever since......keep reading sorry for the delay...I am back in the flow now.....sending love and healing to all...it has been an intense shift into Autumn....surrender to the death of summer and the rebirth into another season...turn,turn turn TO EVERYTHING THERE IS A SEASON...